A 2nd Treatise on Public Transport in Bombay

6/18/09

It's not pleasant. It's not comfortable. I don't think I could make it smell good if I tried. Why, yes, even though you could never possibly guess, it's a local train in Bombay.

I recently reasoned that I should forget altogether that figure of speech involving sardines and aluminum containers and start saying "like Bombay trains in the afternoon" because its more sensible and I would have about 13 million people to relate to. Plus, who has ever willingly opened a can of sardines anyway?

That said, everyone should ride an Indian train once in their lives, unless you're claustrophobic, but even then I would suggest going during off hours. As concisely as I can, I would describe them as fantastically awful. Fantastic because they capture such an interesting slice of culture. Awful because you just might harm yourself during the course of your journey. Vendors come around to the seats and windows with everything from cheap jewelry and hair clips you can count on to tarnish and/or break to dubiously wonderful food guaranteed to make your stomach churn a little the next day. During the morning and afternoon, they are positively packed. I don't know if you've seen one of those sensational photos of tons of people practically falling out of a train, but I'll tell you this much: they're not sensational, they're average. That said, the going home at night when there's no one on the trains is perfect for good sights and getting some much needed wind in the face. Throw in some Indian cross dressers - only applicable if you're in the ladies compartment - and there you have it!

All of this discourse - an excerpt from my 2nd Treatise on Public Transport in Bombay - was sparked by my grand tour of the suburbs of Bombay. Of course, by "grand tour" I mean I visited family in 2 places and it somehow managed to be a day's journey. But, don't get me started on traffic and travel times... or else I'll have to start a 3rd Treatise, and no one wants that.